Outsourcing America

Now that outsourcing is the basis for a new comedy this fall on TV, we should all laugh together.

Or maybe it should be a ribald guffaw or perhaps a hearty chuckle.

In any case, we know the plot of this TV series well.

Our Fords our made in Hermosillo, Mexico, not far from where our "American" strawberries come from.

Our Mattel toys, Apple iPhones and everything in Lowe's, Home Depot, Walmart and Target come from China.

And if we have trouble with our Chinese-made Dell or HP computers, we can call Bangalore, India, for a little help.

I have, haven't you?

Thank god we have some diversity in our "American" clothing that is now made all over the world, from the Dominican Republic to Bangladesh to Vietnam.

And, aren't those Australian chardonnays good, and cheap. And those Chilean red wines sure taste fine and, yes, they are dirt cheap.

Welcome to the global economy where everything Americans create, produce or patent can be done cheaper somewhere else.

Okay, so we have high unemployment and we're enduring our third jobless recovery in the last 20 years or so, but isn't it amazing how much the price has dropped on those HDTVs.

One of these days, I may even buy one of those Samsungs or Vizios, when I can afford it.

The good thing about America is that we still have the market cornered on ideas and innovation.

Okay, our ideas consist of outsourcing all those dull jobs that Americans no longer want to do for half the wages they used to make. As for innovation, we can always buy all the innovation that is fit to buy with money borrowed from the communist Chinese.

Recently, a federal judge decided that rules, adopted by the Obama administration, relaxing the use of embryonic stem cells for research are illegal because they run afoul of legislation passed by Congress.

The talking heads on TV and radio assure us that the judge's ruling will likely stand.

We don't need to worry because someone else in some other country will gladly use embryonic stem cells in their research.

This makes sense, because the last thing we need to do in this country is find a cure for cancer or diabetes or Parkinson's disease.

I mean, why would a scientist in this country do such a thing when it can be done cheaper in South Korea or China or France or Germany or Japan or Great Britain or, for that matter, anywhere else.

That's the key to America. If it can be produced cheaper elsewhere, without union workers (who make up about 12 percent of our work force) along with their obscene pay and benefits, than we're all better for it.

Of course, anything our non-union engineers or scientists can do, some engineer or scientist in India can do it just as well and for a fraction of the cost. Same goes for our non-union financial analysts.

And when we outsource our teaching jobs, just think, our kids can start learning Mandarin in kindergarten without the dreaded union teachers. Think of the possibilities.

It will be weird, though and take some adjusting, when we outsource our open-heart surgeries, for example, to some guy operating a computer 10,000 miles away.

But, if anyone can do it, we can.

Yes, if a scientist in South Korea comes up with a cure for cancer using embryonic stem cells, we'll just have to import it like everything else.

And, it will likely be cheaper than anything discovered here.

At least, we'll have the moral high ground.

That always matters when there is money to be made.

Now, if we can only outsource our moral high ground. That would be the ticket.

Give us time, I'm sure we can figure that out.